What images and ideas come into your mind when you think about self-denial? Pushing away chocolate cake? Putting down your phone? Biting your tongue before you lose your temper? Perhaps you picture an early church ascetic living on a pole or a monk performing painful penance.
But what does Jesus have in mind when he says “deny yourself”? Saying no to treats and disciplining habits isn’t contrary to what God wants, but it isn’t the whole picture either.
The famous passage about self-denial in Luke 9 gives a clearer picture of biblical self-denial. After Peter confesses Jesus as the Christ, Jesus foretells his death. Then he calls us all to follow him:
If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?” (Luke 9:23–25)
Jesus does not have broad, generic ideas about self-denial. He has something very specific in mind. From Luke’s writing and elsewhere in Scripture, components of self-denial start to take shape. Self-denial is not about you but is submission to a very particular Person. Because of that Person, when properly motivated, self-denial is not asceticism, but worship.
SELF-DENIAL IS NOT ABOUT YOU
If I’m honest, my ideas about self-denial are often self-centered. Most of the time when I think about self-denial, I focus on what will make my life better for me. I would like to lose five pounds—so I’ll say no to certain foods. I would like to have more time to read—so I’ll put more boundaries on my phone. I don’t want to feel bad after I yell at my kids—so I’ll try harder to bite my tongue. I see this in the people around me as well. Athletes discipline their bodies to reach personal records. Musicians turn down fun social invitations so they can practice to further their careers. None of these are bad behaviors or bad reasons!
But Jesus makes it clear that the purpose behind denying ourselves is not to save or better our lives. It’s for his sake. Self-denial is not defined by our arbitrary standards regarding food and self-discipline. Rather, it’s what Jesus says at the end of verse twenty-three: Follow me.
We deny ourselves not so that we will like ourselves better but to obey God and love him more. Not to reach our goals but to yield to his will. Not to be better liked but because we rest in his love. Jesus exemplifies this in the incarnation, humbling himself to obey the Father, looking to our interests and his glory (Phil. 2:2–11). He gave up his rights to serve others (John 13:12–17), and Paul imitated him (1 Cor. 9).
We should do the same.
SELF-DENIAL IS SUBMISSION
When we refocus it away from selfishness, self-denial can easily become focused on the people around us. We give up our rights and desires to please our husbands, children, or others in our community. But Scripture shows that God’s, not man’s, will is the standard. Wives submit to husbands as to the Lord. Children obey their parents in the Lord. Peter and John remind the rulers, elders, and scribes that they must obey God, not men.
Self-denial submits to the will and ways of God, not haphazardly to the whims of those around us. This protects us from enabling or being held captive to the sin of others. Focusing on God’s will also allows us to discern where self-denial bleeds over into unhealthy capitulation, legalism, or burnout.
Our wills regularly conflict with people around us. But we can always measure God’s will and his Word against our own desires and what others are asking of us. If our will and God’s are at odds, then imitate Christ. Say to the Father, “Not my will, but yours be done.” Submitting to God does not mean ignoring our emotions but that we assess them and alter whatever does not please him. With the Holy Spirit’s help, the flesh dies as our “want” becomes an “I will” in line with his will.
SELF-DENIAL IS WORSHIP, NOT ASCETICISM
Self-denial does not start and end externally. Both the Old and New Testament make it clear that God desires our hearts, not our sacrifices (Ps. 50:70–15; Is. 1:11–18; Mark 7:7). We may perfectly reach personal ideals of self-discipline and still fail in self-denial if we do not honor God with our hearts (Is. 29:13). God is after our worship. Our lives will follow, and sometimes in obedience, our actions start and our hearts follow—but more than externals of strictly kept boundaries or frequent service is a life presented to God as a living sacrifice (Rom. 12:1–2).
Because self-denial is about heart posture, it differs from asceticism, where the goal is avoiding pleasure and pursuing extreme self-denial. Fasting and boundaries can train us to treasure Christ more, but for the most part, we are free to enjoy God’s good gifts. Jesus makes the best wine at Cana (John 2:1–13), Scripture celebrates sex in marriage (Song of Solomon; Eph. 5:25–33), and God declares all foods clean (Acts 10:9–15).
Even more, Paul says that abstaining from certain food or drink for the purpose of self-denial is vain. “These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh” (Col. 2:23).
But seeking the things that are above does stop the flesh because we have died in Christ (Col 3:3; Gal. 2:20). Now, alive in Christ, we put to death our earthly passions (Col. 3:5). We deny ourselves, taking up our crosses, following Jesus by submitting our will to his.
John Stott sums this up neatly when he writes, “Self-denial is not denying ourselves luxuries such as chocolate, cakes, cigarettes and cocktails (though it may include this); it is actually denying or disowning ourselves, renouncing our supposed right to go our own way” (The Cross of Christ, 272).
SAVED BY ANOTHER’S SELF-DENIAL
No matter how much we deny ourselves, we cannot save ourselves. That is Paul’s point at the end of Colossians 2. We cannot stop our flesh with the law. Rules, diets, and boundaries cannot save us. Only Christ does that, by grace, through faith (Gal. 3:10–14). His self-denial (Phil. 2:8), not ours, saves us.
And now, set free from sin and death and indwelt by the Holy Spirit, we can deny our “supposed right to go our own way,” setting our minds on Christ. The more we “look up,” treasuring and delighting in God more and more, the easier it becomes to deny ourselves. We find freedom from our sinful flesh by submitting to the Spirit. We see more of how worthy God is of our submission, how sufficient his provision is, and how much we receive in return for all we have denied ourselves. We taste and see that the Lord is good and find blessing by taking refuge in him (Ps. 34:8).
Kyleigh Dunn is wife to Ezra and mother to three young girls. A three-time survivor of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, she seeks to spread awareness of them in the church and apply theology and biblical encouragement to moms experiencing them. Kyleigh has a certificate in Women’s Transformational Leadership from Western Seminary and certificates in biblical counseling from the Institute for Biblical Care and Discipleship. She recently launched The Sorrow of Eve (a resource for the church on PMADs), blogs at The Sojourning Dunns, and can be found on Instagram and Facebook.
https://gcdiscipleship.com/article-feed/self-denial-is-more-about-looking-up-than-saying-no
Katherine's Chronicle 